Do People With Autism Really Lack Empathy? ABA Therapists Set the Record Straight.
- Michelle Vinokurov
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
The truths behind autism and empathy matter more than most people know.
Do people with autism really lack empathy?
That question alone has caused more damage than many realize. It’s a belief rooted not in truth, but in misunderstanding — and it has echoed through classrooms, clinics, families, and even hearts. But today, we’re setting the record straight. With the help of ABA therapists and voices from the autism community, we’ll uncover five powerful truths that reveal the depth of empathy often hidden behind misunderstood behaviors.
The Power of Truth: Breaking Down the Empathy Myth
Sometimes, society clings to stories that make things easier to explain — even when they’re not accurate. The idea that people on the autism spectrum lack empathy is one of those stories.
But the truth? It’s far more layered, and yes — more beautiful than most expect.
The origins of this harmful assumption come from observing behavior without understanding it. People see something different and assume something is missing. But difference is not deficiency — and that’s one of the first truths we must embrace.
Truth #1 – People with Autism Do Feel Empathy
Let’s start with one of the most important truths: autistic people do feel empathy. In fact, many feel it so deeply that it becomes overwhelming.
Empathy isn’t absent; it’s just expressed in ways that don’t always match what neurotypical people expect. There’s a huge difference between not feeling and not showing in the way society expects.
Emotional Empathy: Feeling Deeply
Emotional empathy — the ability to feel what someone else is feeling — is often very strong in autistic individuals. But here’s the hard truth: the world doesn’t always see it.
They might not cry in public, but they may lie awake all night worrying about someone’s pain. Their hearts ache, even if their expressions don’t show it.
Cognitive Empathy: The Challenge of Reading Social Cues
Cognitive empathy — the ability to understand another’s emotional state — can be more challenging. But struggling to interpret doesn’t mean not caring. That’s another truth worth remembering.
When someone on the spectrum misunderstands a social cue, it’s not indifference — it’s a moment of confusion in a world filled with unspoken rules.
Truth #2 – Communication Differences Are Mistaken for Lack of Care
One of the most misunderstood truths about autism is that communication styles vary — and those differences are often mistaken for coldness.
Autistic individuals might not say, “I’m sorry,” the way others expect. They might not make eye contact or offer a hug. But those aren’t signs of apathy. They’re simply different ways of navigating an overwhelming world.
The Role of Social Anxiety
The truth is, many autistic people feel a deep fear of saying the wrong thing. Social anxiety can wrap them in silence, not because they don’t care, but because they care so much, it hurts.
They’re quietly carrying emotions, worried that their words might cause harm — or worse, be misunderstood.
Truth #3 – Neurotypical Bias Skews Perception
This might be one of the hardest truths to swallow: society judges empathy through a narrow, neurotypical lens.
It assumes that empathy must look a certain way — smiles, tears, comforting words. But when empathy shows up differently, it’s often dismissed.
Neurodiversity and the Double Empathy Problem
Here’s a liberating truth: empathy is a two-way street.
Dr. Damian Milton’s “double empathy problem” explains how both autistic and non-autistic people can struggle to understand each other. It’s not a one-sided deficit — it’s a mismatch in communication styles.
The truth is, we all need to try harder to meet each other halfway.
Truth #4 – ABA Therapists See Empathy Firsthand
ABA therapists spend countless hours with individuals on the spectrum — and they see the truths others often miss.
In quiet moments, in playful exchanges, in tiny breakthroughs, they witness real, raw empathy. Not scripted, not forced — but natural and heartfelt.
Eye Contact Isn’t Everything
So many assumptions hinge on eye contact. But the truth is, eye contact can be physically painful for some autistic people.
Lack of eye contact doesn’t mean lack of empathy. It simply means they connect differently — through tone, presence, shared experiences.
Building Trust and Emotional Bonds
In therapy, connection grows over time. Trust builds slowly, and with it comes genuine emotional bonding. ABA therapists see it in high-fives, in laughter, in tears — and most of all, in progress.
These connections aren’t clinical. They’re human. And they reveal a powerful truth: empathy thrives when people feel safe.
Truth #5 – Empathy Looks Different, But It’s Just As Real
It’s time to embrace one of the most important truths of all: empathy doesn’t have to follow a script.
Autistic people often express empathy through actions. They’ll fix something that’s broken, sit quietly beside a friend, or dive into a shared interest to create connection.
It’s not performance — it’s presence. And it’s deeply, beautifully real.
Empathy Through Action, Not Performance
Some people show love with words. Others show it with loyalty, patience, or small, thoughtful acts. Autistic individuals often fall into the latter group.
The truth is, their empathy is less about dramatic displays and more about consistent, quiet care.
The Harm of Believing the Myth
Believing the myth that autistic people lack empathy causes real pain. That’s an undeniable truth.
It leads to social rejection, broken relationships, and even internalized shame. When the world tells you over and over that you don’t care — even when you do — it chips away at your self-worth.
We have to stop spreading this lie. The cost is too high.
Moving Forward: How to Be an Ally
So what can we do with these truths?
We can choose to listen — really listen. We can let go of assumptions and open our hearts to new ways of understanding empathy.
We can validate the emotional experiences of autistic people and create space for them to show love in their own way.
Conclusion
Empathy doesn’t always look the way we expect it to — but that doesn’t make it any less real.
The five powerful truths we’ve uncovered today show us that autistic individuals not only feel empathy, but often feel it more deeply than we imagine.
Let’s replace myths with understanding, stereotypes with compassion, and assumptions with connection.
Because the truth is — empathy lives in all of us. We just need to learn how to see it.
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